Hello friends! Keeping with my new year’s resolution of posting a new blog post every other week, here’s a snippet of my Friday night I want to share with you. Tonight’s blog wasn’t preplanned. No Holy Spirit spoke to me or dramatic spiritual encounters. This is just me and my authentic, raw, uncensored voice. This might just be a really long rant, but skip to the end and you’ll see just how present God is in my life and yours too. Hope you enjoy! (I’m writing this on a Friday. My Friday Night Sabbath in fact)
Tonight was my introvert’s night in. My ingredients to a great Friday: a sweaty workout, hot shower, delicious dinner, and Pretty Little Liars. Side note, OMG this season is so amazing! Very different than the past ones, which I’m sure was intentional and was a great decision. It’s like a fresh new show; I hate to see it come to an end.
Anyway, I finished with my show earlier than expect around 10:30 p.m. which is early for me. Bored, I ventured onto Youtube and found a January Favorites video. (If you don’t know what that is, you’re not one of those girls who spends hours watching Youtube and you’re missing out. And the specific Youtuber will remain anonymous as I’m not trying to bash anyone.) She showed a new corduroy navy skirt she bought from Urban Outfitters. I thought it was cute, so I googled and found the skirt on the store’s website. That led me to looking up other skirts from Urban Outfitters and moving on to similar stores: Free People and Anthropology. And then H&M and Abercrombie & Fitch and so one.
So I went on an online shopping spree. Well. More like an hour of daydreaming about all the clothes I want to buy, but don’t want to spend the money on. I pinned a lot on my fashion Pinterest board. Then I noticed I had over a thousand pins. (not all from tonight, but over a few years)
Then, the Holy Spirit convicted me and slapped my wrists across the keyboard. (Ok that didn’t actually happened, but if the Holy Spirit were physically in the room I’m sure that’s what he would do) I realized I can’t buy any new clothes because I have no where to put them. I live in a small dorm room. My closet and dresser drawers are overstuffed. I even have space bags of clothes wedged in the nooks and crannies of the room. And I still can’t decide what to wear in the morning. Have you ever complained you have nothing to wear?
I thought to myself, Why am I sitting in a room full of clothes looking for more? Why am I sitting here looking for something new when I have so much? I felt convicted of gluttony and clutter. I don’t need half the stuff I have. That revelation reminds me of one of my New Year’s Resolution: to give more. So far it’s not going too well. It’s almost the end of January and I haven’t given yet. My excuse is I ran out of cash. Even worse, I’ve developed some stingy habits. My bank account isn’t near empty at all, but I couldn’t give the guy sleeping next to the ATM some money. Lord, forgive me! I am awful! As I said in my New Years Resolution post, I act like I don’t believe God’s going to provide for me. He must be so insulted!
So why does God even let me have money and clothes and shelter? Because of his grace grown out of his goodness, I am blessed even when I don’t deserve it! And you are too. Make a list. Do you have food in your fridge, a roof over your head, warm clothes to wear? Now make a list of all the sins you’ve ever committed. (or at least the worst ones) It doesn’t make sense, does it? God’s love is so great we cannot understand it.
So what can we do? We’re terrible sinners, but we have God’s grace. But that does not mean we should use God for His blessings. Gluttony is more than an issue of being ungrateful. It’s an issue of faith. (Yes, I’m a Christian with a faith problem. It happens.) When we’re deficient in our faith, we replace it with anxiety and stinginess that turns us away from God and to dependence on our weak flesh. We need faith in our Heavenly Father that He will provide because we don’t deserve it. The least we can do is return the favor and love him back just a fraction of how much He loves us.
So I’m going to try to declutter my life and resist the temptation to online shop/Pinterest, but more importantly, I’m going to work on my faith problem with God. This is my prayer. If any of you reading have an issue of a faith, I encourage you to pray this too.
Heavenly Father, you have been good to me since I came to this earth. God you are gracious! You are loving beyond understanding! You are worthy of all the praise! I recognize that I’m am sinful and undeserving of your showers of grace. Forgive me for the times when I doubted your almighty power and acted like I did not believe you would provide for me. Continually remind me of your goodness, Father so that even in my moments of weakness, I don’t forget you are there providing. I pray against any anxiety about finances or future plans in my life. I have faith that you have good things coming my way. I’ve seen your blessings before in my life and others. You are an unchanging God, and you will always be good!
In Jesus name, Amen.
“In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence,” Ephesians 1:7-8